We knew the day would come .... just not so soon. Worse even than the 'where do babies come from?' question, we found ourselves on the thorny end of a devil's fork. The subject was drugs.
My eight year old aka Sausage came home last week. She was holding a short straw and sucking through it. She started telling me about how they'd learnt about drugs at school. I looked at the straw and wondered if they'd been teaching them how bad people snort cocaine. But no, the difficulty of sucking through the straw indicated how it would feel if your lungs were 'all stuck together with tar from cigarettes and the little balloony things inside of them didn't work anymore.' All well and good until Sausage said, "But why does daddy smoke cigars?" Scrambling for an answer I came up with, "Well, he doesn't inhale." But that sounded a little too fudgy, a little too Bill Clintonesque for comfort. Later my husband was grilled on the cigar issue, of why he smoked them. He came up with the politically neutral answer, "I have no good answer to that." Kudos to him.
Luckily I no longer smoke cigarettes or heads would have rolled. All I got was "Why do you drink caffeine? That's a drug." To which I replied, "Well, it's a pretty harmless one."
At the moment my older daughter Scarlett, aged 11 is like, "Why would anyone take drugs?" Well good, let's hope her attitude stays that way.
But the truth is I am not really addicted to any drugs apart from maybe coffee. I used to smoke but could take it or leave it. But an addiction can be many things. An addiction is quite simply a coping mechanism that if it starts to affect your life badly means you are in trouble.
So although obviously I want the kids to avoid illegal drugs there is also a case for stating that any behaviour taken to excess is in effect an addiction.
When I was younger love was the drug. But as I got older I was probably more addicted to junk food than love - food gives an immediate gratification while looking for love in the wrong places is very emotionally draining whatever Bryan Ferry says!
So have your kids started learning about drugs at school yet and have you had to answer any awkward questions?
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13 comments:
We live in Oakland Ca so basically drugsville. The most difficulty is with booze as I am often seen with a glass of wine in hand and hard to preach, don't do as I do...
About Last Weekend...ha ha! Yeah I have tried to get away with 'but a grape is a fruit so it is good for you' regarding my wine intake. But they come back with 'it's so not good for you.It's rotten fruit!'
I sneer loudly at anyone who is stoned or drunk in the hope that the resultant superiority complex will keep my kids obsessively straight.
Of course, the pressure could complete backfire on them later in life...
Sorry, I know this is a serious post but the Bill Clinton comment really made me laugh!
I will compose myself now and attempt to add something intelligent to the conversation...
Cannabis use is so extremely common amongst teenagers in Britain that I've more or less resigned myself to the fact that, like alcohol and cigarettes, my son is likely to at least try it at some point.
I've discussed the mental health implications of cannabis use with him, and I've also explained that it robs you of your motivation, which is not at all good when you're hoping to become a solicitor one day and need to do well in your exams.
It's up to him now I guess. At some point he's going to have to make decisions for himself about what he wants his life to look like.
Oh have been through all the talks with the Teenage Twins now starting again with the 9 yr..I find alittle information given at a time and honest answers always the best. If a question is particularly squirmy for you just say'Im not sure about that answer right now but will look it up and get back to you later' this takes the pressure off and lets you gather your answer :)
They sound way too fanatical about this. I'd be worried about them changing their tune the minute they smoke their first doobie.
The tiresome thing is that they start doing their own reading and come up with arguments about how little damage cannabis does compared with everything on the planet...
And then I just remind them that it's actually illegal and if they get busted, they're cut off without a penny! ;-)
Hopefully I have some years to go before I need to address this, but I like Gappy's suggestion.
Not easy this parenting lark is it?
Expat mum...yeah look I'm from UK as you know where cannabis isn't any big deal but here in US you can get busted for possessing even a small amount and get a criminal record so that's the angle you have to work with teens telling you 'it doesn't really affect me' because getting caught really can ruin your life!
Gappy...it's not really a serious post it's just trying to get one's head around what one tells kids when one has done every bad thing under the sun but doesn't want them to do the same necessarily!! Especially since drugs are a bigger deal here, ie you can get arrested for possessing even a small amount.
Agree with Gappy: Bill Clinton moment was fabulous and implications of drugs need to be addressed as soon as they start asking questions and have the emotionally maturity to understand the answers. At 2, I've got a while to go before Oliver starts asking them but you never know.
The best is when you are a nanny and the kids ask you about "mommy's juice," drugs, or that "weird dance mommy and daddy do on a bed."
Don't worry, usually we nannies are democratic about the answer.
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SeriousK....good solution unfortunately I can't afford a nanny!!! So that's how Lindsay Lohan's going to get out of any tough 'did you do drugs?' questions should she ever have kiddos!!
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