Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Chapstick Lesbians

Well, I was gobsmacked when I saw a video today for the insanely catchy tune: I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry:



I was hoping it was going to be rude, but all it involved was some floozy getting turned on by another teens cherry chapstick. I guess Katy Perry is less a lipstick lesbian than a chapstick lesbian. So listen up, Ms Perry, I suggest if you really want to make some waves, why not do something a little more interesting than licking her chapstick. [Is this song really meant to be shocking? I don't think it would shock even seven year old Scarlett who knows all about lesbians]

So without further ado Katy, here's some lyrics for your next song:

I SHAGGED A SHEEP



This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I shagged a sheep and I liked it
The taste of her grassy bad breath
I shagged a sheep just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I shagged a sheep and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I shagged a sheep and I liked it
The feel of her furry back flaps
I shagged a sheep just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Hope I don't get a UTI tonight
I shagged a sheep and I liked it
I liked it

Sheep are so magical
Cute hooves, sodden lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I shagged a sheep and I liked it
The pong of her hooves deep in sheep shit
I shagged a sheep just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I shagged a sheep and I liked it
I liked it

Also, do hurry off for God's sake and vote for me over at Moobs's Tenuous Connection Award 2008!


TC08 Nominee Button


I'm listed under the International Award 2008 section. If you vote for me I promise I'll lick your cat flaps. Kissies. Hugs.

45 comments:

mutleythedog said...

Hay I'm first! I have actually been chased by the Police after climbing into the Nativity Scene in Grand Platz in Brussels with some live sheep. It was one Christmas a while back.... when I was young *cough*

Textual Healer said...

The welsh National Anthem (ducks for cover). What's the Welsh definition of a leisure centre? A sheep tethered to a lamp post. (ot to misquote the Beachboys three sheep for every boy) I think I'll retire here before, well, (my theoretical) holiday home gets burned down.

Luka said...

I like it!

It could be the basis for an entire album - I Molested a Menagerie (and now I am banned from the petting zoo).

moi said...

But will you kiss my pit bull's bottom?

Moobs said...

Bizarre- she doesn't even sound Welsh in the video.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Bah! Another fake lesbian like Tatu. Who is going to fall for that old tosh again?

Kitty said...

Is 'Cherry Chapstick' a euphemism? x

Elizabeth said...

"Chapstick Lesbian"!! I love it! You're totally right the video was totally lame though. Have you seen this remix??? It's how the video SHOULD have been done.

xl said...

A friend recently recommended a song. :) In part:

Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best.
Shag a wallaby!
Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best.
Shag a wallaby!

fingers said...

My grandfather was Welsh.
There weren't many chicks in his village, so every Staurday night, around 6pm they used to bring some sheep into the local pub to keep the menfolk amused.
He said you never wanted to get there much past 7pm or all the good-looking ones were taken...

electro-kevin said...

I was making luurv to my first girlfriend on the living room floor.

Unbeknown to me my mongrel dog had trotted into the room and began to lick my arse.

I deftly swiped him away, of course. But if I'm truthful I have to admit that it was quite nice.

Does this count as beastiality ?

electro-kevin said...

Driver to signaller "There's sheep on the line"

Signaller "What do they look like ?" (Meaning markings, breed etc)

Driver "Provocative."

(Rural myth)

fingers said...

Kevin's mongrel was a sheepdog looking for the lost glamour of the flock at the time.

(urban fact)...

Kara said...

i don't think i could fuck an animal. i just don't have the energy to try and reason with it. dudes are bad enough.

Steve said...

"The taste of her grassy bad breath"... hmm, if you can smell the sheep's breath you're not using the correct position at all...

electro-kevin said...

Baaaaa ... baaaa... baaaaad boy, Fingers !
(Rural fact)

Cunning_Linguist said...

You seriously have too much time on your hands. I smell a modern John Valby in our midst, though.

Midnight said...

Now I think perhaps you are going a bit baaaa'my Em. You need to get out more girl.

I'm sure it would be a big hit in the Welsh valleys though.

EmmaK said...

mutleythedog....
I'm sure the sheep enjoyed it just as much as you did!

By the way, I just looked in the slang dictionary and found that cherry chapstick is slang for a dog's penis when erect as in:
Spot sprung a cherry chapstick when he humped grammy's leg.
Intriguing no?

Textual Healer...
What's the Welsh definition of a leisure centre? A sheep tethered to a lamp post.
well, why not, there's not exactly that much night life in Wales is there?

Luka
I Molested a Menagerie (and now I am banned from the petting zoo)
Isn't that the soundtrack for Animal Farm?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139656/

moi...
But will you kiss my pit bull's bottom?
only after a couple of tequila slammers

Moobs...
Bizarre- she doesn't even sound Welsh in the video.
Maybe she's just pretending to be welsh? ;)

Gorilla Bananas...
believe me GB I don't like this trend any more than you do. If I was Premier I would ban fake lezzers, as well as fast food.

Kitty...
Is 'Cherry Chapstick' a euphemism?
yes apparently.
I just looked in the slang dictionary and found that cherry chapstick is slang for a dog's penis when erect as in:
Spot sprung a cherry chapstick when he humped grammy's leg.

The mind boggles in relation to Katy's lyrics.

Elizabeth...
Ooh thanks for the dirty video!!!

xl...
I know it we used to sing it in Kindergarten!

fingers...
Do you feel that you yourself have ever been tempted to penetrate a sheep or a sow....these things run in the genes you know and your grandad may just have passed on a few rogue desires.

electro-kevin...
Does this count as beastiality ?
yes, but he just sounds like a cut price fluffer. I imagine they use dog fluffers on the budget porn film sets.

Kara...
i don't think i could fuck an animal.
no worries, they have blow up sheep for your pleasure m'lady.

EmmaK said...

steve....
hmm, if you can smell the sheep's breath you're not using the correct position at all...
I know Steve, we've all been there haven't we?You do the missionary position once with a sheep and its like, never again.

Cunning_Linguist...
You seriously have too much time on your hands.
lol, you jest, of course. It took me five minutes to write those lyrics. You are right, maybe I am simply a genius like John Valby!

Midnight...
I have been to Wales twice. Once I visited Swansea which stank of fish. And the other time I think I was taking a ferry to Ireland. I found Wales v depressing and hope never to return.

gilbert the alien said...

Now I know what that Welsh landlord meant when he recommended rack of lamb.

Makes me go green to think about it.

EmmaK said...

gilbert the alien...also do be wary of a product us humans call Welsh rarebit. Traditionally this is made from cheese mixed with sheep secretions. To be avoided.

gilbert the alien said...

Oh dear...... that was his second recommendation from the a la carte.

spew-it-all said...

Speaking of shagging a sheep, is bestiality higher in Wales and NZ?
Well, at least you don't need to have a talk afterward if you shagged a sheep

Rocco Tool said...

Now there's a Kodak moment. At least you didn't get injured or killed like the guy that tried to nail the horse in Washington State. Hmm, they never made a song of it, either.

Metody Jankowiak said...

My ex Donna her was quite keen on lesbian girl that work in shoe bar in Ammanford town. Say Donna to me one night when we was having fuck, would I be wanting to see her fist with this girl. Well ofcourse! I was thinking who would not yes?
So that weekend we meet with this type in bar in Swansea and we go back to Donna's caravan.
I tells you it was quite horny, Metody was sweating like a rapist, but this might have been the parafin heater rather than the hotn, who knows?
But then Donna has problem. Her ring (which was very nice one, with big bug in resin fixed within) get caught on lesbian girl's cervix, and Donna is worried that if she pulls hard then lesbian girl with have all giblets pulled out onto sofa!
Lucky for her she had had four children, so as Donna could get other hand up to pull ring off.
This you do not see too often I think. Metody was quite queezy with it all.

Metody Jankowiak said...

By way Emma. Metody out of prison now, and is grateful to you and your mother for all the horny pictures that you were sending.

I like the one of your mother in the tight dirndl, eating the laberkase and spiegelei.

EmmaK said...

metody jankowiak....
what kind of career do you have now you are out of prison? please lay off the alcohol and start doing a hard day's work.

Metody Jankowiak said...

Mrs Kaufman. Metody is wery happy that you always worry on him. But do not dear woman.
Metody has old job back stunning pig at Danepak before he has throat cut by Theodot.
Metody is also not now drinking as doctor in jail hopital he say to Metody that he has liver of fifty year old man! This was quite the coincidence as Metody's cell mate say Metody has colon of teenager!

expatriates said...

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It may help your readers as well.

gilbert the alien said...

Metody.

You owe me $4,000,000

VE said...

I'm a sucker for a good parody and this one is hilarious! I hope that sheep was sheered; lots of wool isn't in these days you know...

Ms Robinson said...

Emma, you were just looking for an excuse to write about sheep now weren't you? I'm not feeling the song, though, I'm so not.

Daisy said...

i didn't know she was from ireland...thought all the sheep shaggers lived there...

EmmaK said...

gilbert the alien...what did metody do to you? spill it.

ms robinson.....since SM went mainstream and every middle class twat has their own dungeon it is only a matter of time before bestiality becomes hip. soon every middle class Hampsteadite/Manhattanite will have a sheep tethered in the garden, or maybe a sow because pigs have a clitoris inside their vaginal canal! making them more easy to satisfy.

ve .... dunno about sheered but I made sure the sheep had had a nice treatment with a leave in conditioner before I made beautiful music with her.

daisy....in England everyone believes that sheep shaggers congregate in Wales. I don't think its that popular in Ireland as it rains the whole time and the experience can get a bit soggy.

Drywall Mom said...

I like it, I thouht that her just doing the song and getting it mainstream was a feat in itself, at least here in the US. Eventhough people are starting to be more open on different views, the hard core religious people are still going to have a holiday with it somehow. So, give it some time and there will be more of it out there.

BTW, I thought your rendition was great but I think it would have to be a guy singing the song.

EmmaK said...

drywall mom....
I think it would have to be a guy singing the song
maybe, but I think most people have heard of strap ons!

Daisy said...

emma i don't know about all over ireland but in ballymena the men are known for their sheep shagging...there is a story behind it for later perhaps

Ms Smack said...

I saw this film-clip today after a good month or so of loving the song and was BITTERLY disappointed!

Love the song, Hate the clip!


Great post, hilarious as usual!

gilbert the alien said...

Re Metody.

He just looks like the kinda guy who owes money.

Orhan Kahn said...

It is a stupidly catchy tune, isn't it.

Tom Paine said...

The song has an infectious beat and the video is "cute." Beyond that, it just reinforces the sexual stereotyping of the media, where it's OK for girls to fuck other girls, especially to please their guys or to attract them. My teenage daughter has been hammered with pressure to do that very thing to entertain the boys.

HotGVibe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HotGVibe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HotGVibe said...

Fun addictive song but as addictive as http//:www.hotgvibe.com