Monday, January 07, 2008

Hillary Gets Shafted

Hillary Clinton isn’t exactly known as a raunchy lady, so it was quite fun to see her letting loose and being shafted by a black man the other day in Iowa. Apparently, she enjoyed it, because she’s going to meet him in New Hampshire to receive another pounding tomorrow, the dirty little minx!

Yes indeed, although I am usually apathetic at best about politics, seven years of the dreadful Dubya in office has made even a cynic like me start getting excited as the horses gallop out onto the paddock in this electoral race. If I was going to vote, I’d be looking for brains plus charisma plus vision (or at the very least, as Meatloaf once sang, “two out of three ain’t bad.”)

Yes, someone who has a rousing vision of a new and better society could make even me rush to the ballot box and cast my vote (had I the right to vote, which I don’t). Charisma makes people root for you and brains are what you need so that you actually know what you are talking about when you read your prepared speech. Right now, my vote would go to John Edwards, not saucy Hillary. I want to like Hillary because she’s not a bad sort, but she’s strictly Charisma 0, and yes, she has brains, but she has those tedious dry legal brains that make you tune out when she talks. There’s no vision there, no imagination. And a voice as irritating as nails scraping down a blackboard. In the Iowa Caucus (where she came third), mostly over sixty fives voted for her, and I reckon that was just little old ladies who were like, “Let’s vote for this woman because it’s about time a woman had a go and we might be dead before the next election!” Which is not a good enough reason to vote for her, in my opinion.

In other news, an actress is trying to sue the jewelry company she made this ad for. She wants $5 million because she says it makes her look lewd. She claims she was duped when she was told to ‘act all excited like she would if she was given a particularly nice bit of jewelry’. Evidently she was thinking of a diamond encrusted vibrator during the take. I think this may be one of those cases where the lady did an advert because she was hard up and then saw the advert and thought, “Oh dear, I do look a bit like a third rate porn actress. Maybe I could get this taken off the air and make a few million dollars to boot?” Do you think she has a case?

I think Hillary could still get somewhere if she could get a bit of passion into her speeches by taking a leaf out of the book of that actress. If not, Hillary has pretty much a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming the first female president. What say you?


Luka said...

I writhe about in a sexual frenzy when I win the novelty plastic ring out of the Christmas Cracker. Real jewellery would probably give me a hernia and blurred vision, so really that actress was giving a very mild portrayal of materialistic fervour.

Jahooni said...

i vote for the diamond encrested vibrator for SURE! For 5 mil, I guess she can get one. ;-)

contrary canary said...

Nice blog, I think you're right on about Hillary. None of the charisma of her flawed but enigmatic hubby Slick Willy.

Also like Edwards, he gives good face. Seems like the most realistic choice if the Dems want a real shot at a mainstream candidate who's electable.

Peach said...

oh god can't we bloody well just have a woman run the world ???????

Kara said...

I saw Edwards give a speech once. I couldn't tear my eyes from his hair. His glorious hair. It's presidential hair, is what it is.

Marcelle Manhattan said...

Hillary is not a bad sort, I agree. And she would definitely get my vote if she faked an orgasm like that.

As it is, I'm voting for dear Dennis K. UFO sighting aside, he seems to be the only American to have caught up with the rest of the Western world on health care. And besides, have you seen his hot young wife with the dog collar? I just know they're perverts. Bet they've got a couple's sex blog under some other name.

electro-kevin said...

I bet Hillary's a horrid person.

Great post.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The gorilla's advice is to vote for the one you fear the most - which is Hillary. It means your enemies will fear her even more. Without fear, there is only chaos.

Conortje said...

Why do the US presidential elections go on for sooooooooo long. It's only 8 January and I am so sick of hearing about it - it's not until flippin' November. Yaaaaawn!

Stephen said...

Charisma, intelligence and vision are all over-rated. Americans invariably vote for the taller candidate. And, if there isn't enough in it to call, they go for the one with the best hair.

Ron Knee said...

I think Hillary would be very nice if she went around with a posy sticking out of her arse. This would get the horny electorate going, especially the kevin-electorate. (sorry, couldn't resist that!)

It would be nice if Obama got up on the platform in white trousers and a black and white striped jacket with a white bow tie and a straw boater/cane combination. He could finish it off with some bright white makeup around his mouth and eyes as a tribute to that great teevee program of the sixties, the coloured welsh minstrel show.

Also lets not forget what a great president Ronald Reagan would make. Oh shit, he's dead - oh well, he could still do a better job than George Bush. At least he knew that he had to pull his pants down BEFORE he took a shit.

BottleBlonde said...

Eh. NONE of the candidates make my nipples hard. That's why my vote is for Britney Spears in '08.

moi said...

With the exception of that sassy lil' anarchist Ron Paul, I am otherwise singularly unimpressed with the current crop of potential leaders of the free world. Shrillery's a whiny bore. And although Obama's way cute (and thankfully minus a Breck Girl hairdo) I'm afeared he's all flash and dash.

Midnight said...

If Hilary was gullible enough to believe Bill about not having sexual relations with that woman she probably isn't the best choice as president.

Mind you she may have had a diamond encrusted vibrator, so wasn't really too fussed that someone else was playing Bill's pink oboe.

Whoever they choose, they will have more charisma than Gordon Brown.

Misssy M said...

I've always thought Oprah Winfrey would stand a good chance of entry into the Whitehouse if she were ever to do the Ronnie Reagan thing.

I don't know what her politics are like, but I suspect it doesn't really matter...

Annie Rhiannon said...

Oh god I fancy Barrack so much sometimes I feel like my knickers are going to explode.

Anyway, send me a picture for my blog-roll, please Emma.

Anastasia said...

Voting for gender (ie Hilary) isn't really a good enough reason to vote, and although I can't vote, even if I could, I can't shake off the message she gave to women, namely 'it's all right if your husband humiliates you globally (for the umpteenth time), you just take him back or tolerate prick behavior.'

Billy said...

Whatever you think of politicians, American politicians (even Dubya) are about a million times better a public speaker than anything we get here.

Tickersoid said...

That actress has no case.

I'm volunteering for the job of under table secretary if Hillary gets in.

Daisy said...

i hope hillary doesn't get anywhere...NY can keep her as far as i am need to share the wealth with that one!

EmmaK said...! you are easily aroused. You lucky girl!

jahooni....Apparently Beckham bought Posh Spice a diamond encrusted know, for the girl who has everything.

contrary canary...I think the thing is Bill and Hillary got together when they were both ugly ducklings and Bill blossomed or at least developed some charm along the now one can't see how the two of them fit together. She should really go to charm school I reckon.

peach...I'm with you, but off the top of my head I can't think of any woman I'd want ruling the world though...can you?

kara....Oh absolutely, I'd vote just for his presidential hair ;)

marcelle manhattan...Dennis K is a bit bonkers in my opinion...but you're right, it would be lovely to have a pervert in the White House.

electro-kevin...I have never really understood how Bill could be married to her. She is not sexy or fun.

gorilla bananas...good strategy. I am pretty scared of Hillary especially when she bares her fangs.

conortje...I am quite enjoying it so far but admittedly it has only been going on a week. I will tire soon no doubt. that a fact? I'm going to look into whether there were any short presidents in history.

EmmaK said...

ron knee...or maybe Hillary could wear black face to try and woo some of Obama's voters her way. That would go down like a cup of cold sick ;)

bottleblonde...I'm sure Britney will be running for president just as soon as she gets out of rehab and shaves her minge.

moi....Yeah Obama's got a lot of charisma. What turned me off was Oprah supporting him, because so many dumb women are going to support him just because Oprah told them to.

midnight...I very much doubt that Hillary has got so much as a note out of Bill's pink oboe or for that matter that he has ever got any reaction from her pink taco. I think theirs is a sexless marriage and they probably produced Chelsea via test tube.

misssy m....I really don't like Oprah don't know why but I'm sure she could get to the White House if she ever chose to give it a go.

annie rhiannon.....Obama doesn't get my knickers wet but I know he has that effect on a lot of you girls.

anastasia....Quite honestly I don't think Hillary was giving him any sex for some yeas, so couldn't complain when he played about with Monica, but I take your point that she isn't a good role model in that sense of 'stand by your man if he messes around with cigars in his oval orifice'

billy....You really think Dubya gives good speech? I try to switch him off whenever he comes on the TV but you may have a point... are a brave man to want to attempt to pleasure Hillary. I think it would be a tough road to hoe.

daisy....No fear of Hillary getting to the White House. She is already washed up and should just give the money back to her supporters and get out of the race now I reckon.

Molly said...

First of all, what are you doing reading right wing Fox news? I clicked on your "actress" link and it took me straight to their horrid website! Bad Emma! Secondly, does this "model" really think she can make herself look all innocent after such a convincing performance?

Yes, I do think the above is more important than whether Hillary gets into the White House! Maybe if all the candidates did that same commercial we could judge on their best performance and vote for whoever groans the loudest?

Stephen said...

It's not a fact that the taller candidate always wins, but it is a very strong trend. People associate height with success.

And not just in politics - apparently, every inch above average is worth a few % in lifetime earnings. And the average height of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies is about 3 inches greater than the average height in the general population.

Tickersoid said...

Who's laughing now?

Better get practicing with those tongue exercises.

Shelley said...

Hilary has done a flip! I love women on top.

EmmaK said...

shelley...yes, damn the woman she put on her strap on and just gave it to Obama where the sun doesn't shine in New Hampshire.

They say women voted for her yesterday because of her fake crying outburst.

There's still everything to play for!

Shelley said...

I'm sure Bill has it done to him on a regular basis.

Effortlessly Average said...

Somehow when I think of the images "pounding" and "shaft" conjure, I have a hard time inserting Hillary into it. *shudder*

As for the actress, I think I'd be more offended at the insinuation that if you want to get a woman to spread her legs for you, buy her diamonds. By looking at the ad (which admittedly I have not since it's on YouTube and my office blocks that site), at least from what I can see on the picture and read in the story, it seems to me that it's shot from the perspective of a guy nailing her and she's all hot and horny because she has this new diamond necklace. Shallow much?