Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I'll have a Toronto Trim with a hoodectomy on the side please

Q: What is the Toronto Trim?

No it's not a new type of pubic hairstyle, it's actually a new cosmetic procedure where you clip off bits of your labia. Toronto Doc Robert H. Stubbs pioneered the technique. Apparently, for the past 12 years, women have come to him from all over North America to have their labia minora -- the flaps of skin that form the lips of a woman's genitalia and surround the clitoris and vaginal opening -- reduced.

It's not a cosmetic alteration that ranks up there in popularity with breast augmentation, but recently Dr. Stubbs has been performing the surgery more than ever -- as often as once a month.

A recent issue of Cosmopolitan magazine declared that "sexual-enhancement" surgery such as labiaplasty and vaginal tightening (which Dr. Stubbs also performs) is the hottest trend in plastic surgery.

Dr. Stubbs chalks up interest in labiaplasty to a prevailing hyperaesthetic: after all the benchmarks of beauty have been obtained -- Barbie Doll breasts, youthful face, sporty thighs -- it appears that for a certain segment of female society, tidy genitals are worth the $1,500 to $2,500 price tag. If the labia are oversized, asymetrical, too loose or triangular, they don't measure up to the ideal and are a candidate for cutting.

But aesthetic motives are only half the story, according to Jane (not her real name), who called from somewhere in the United States and wouldn't say where.

The 37-year-old athletic professional said she recently flew to Toronto and had the operation for reasons that were 50% aesthetic and 50% physical.

Oversized labia are uncomfortable, Jane said. "I experienced physical discomfort during sex. And I would feel pinching while riding a bike or a horse."

After this I read some crazy plastic surgeon justify his work by saying: "the major reason women consider this operation (labiaplasty) is discomfort in clothing. When labia minorae get really large, they hurt in underwear and can give the appearance of a "package" in gym clothing."

What?? Has anyone ever seen a woman with a package in her lycra?

Okay, my take on this is that it is wrong, it is SO WRONG. I mean, fine, have your internal vagina tightened if it's been stretched out by childbirth, because there's actually a medical point to that, but having your labia retooled to some bizarre porn aesthetic is just plain wacko. What happens, you take a pic of a porn mag in and say: I want a labia just like this (I believe many porn stars have this stuff done). Also some people have a hoodectomy where the clitoral hood is removed for the purpose of increasing sexual stimulation and satisfaction. I'm afraid I had to cross my legs when I read about that. Again, crazy!

And what about all those liberals who scream about how wrong female circumcision in Africa is? I don't think there's much difference between a labiaplasty and female circumcision in Africa, especially since I've read that sensation is reduced with any kind of vaginal surgery.

This issue aside, I don't really know where I stand on plastic surgery generally. The reality is that women, especially, are judged by their looks and I do think if you are genuinely ugly you should have plastic surgery if you can afford it. I know that is a controversial view but if you watch things like Extreme Makeover really ugly people with acne who have never had a boyfriend in their lives really do look so much better after having the acne removed with laser surgery, nose job, eye lift etc. Unfortunately ugly women who have spent their whole lives being wall flowers will undoubtedly not be psychologically ready to deal with all the leches and creeps that will start following them around after they have been transformed (in shows like Extreme Makeoever you also get a pair of basketball tits thrown in too).

But as for cosmetic surgery just because you are pretty and want to look better, in many ways it is just weird and almost a psychological disorder.

I was thinking actually, about the labiaplasties. Maybe the guys who do the penis extensions could work next door to a labiaplasty place and then take the offcuts from the women and insert them into the men. Do you think I should patent this idea?


Sailor said...

Patent or no patent, I'm thinking the whole thing is rather uggo.

Yes, I know uggo isn't really clear, but the thought of needing surgery to "fix" something to, as you mention, some ideal from porn- yuck.

Of course, I'm not a fan of the perfectly round fake basketball boobs, either, so maybe I'm not representative of most men; but still:


Angela-la-la said...

My first thought as I read this post was 'how could any woman with knowledge of the barbaric practice of FGM possibly choose to undergo this procedure? Surely vaginal vanity can't make women that stupid?'

Then I remembered that, unlike the poor young girls that are held down and subjected to an old knife cutting their clit off and dirty needle sewing their lips together against their will, these stupid bints have the money to pay for anesthesia and place their physical appearance above their physical feelings.

Sometimes I feel a very strong need to kill everyone on the planet and start again.

Kara said...

The reality is that women, especially, are judged by their looks and I do think if you are genuinely ugly you should have plastic surgery if you can afford it.

Unless you're Greta Van Sustren (the Dutch are ridiculous with their spellings) and your post plastic surgery face is as scary as your pre. Poor, poor woman. Money can do nothing for her.

electro-kevin said...

I suppose if you have a pair of flaps like elephant ears ...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Hey Miss Kara, Greta was a babe the last time I saw her on CNN (in 1994).
I can't blame a woman for wanting to have a pretty vulva. She doesn't want a man to feel revulsion when he's moving his face down there.

Duke Orsino said...

See, us chaps don't have to go through all this palavar. No, all we have to do is keep an eye on our inboxes. You wouldn't believe the offers I get. For past three years, I've responded to all of them, and now I find I have a doo-dah that's 41 feet long. Outstanding!

Oh, and you should see the knockers I've got, too.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Thank you for getting me up to speed on this horrid medical procedure.

Doest that doctor sell gift certificates?

Peach said...

I agree it's freak show material but, a few comments, the difference between the mutilation in africa and india of a woman's clit or hymen is that in this situation, obviously it's voluntary. Also, while I am undecided where I stand on the whole "plastic surgery" debate en generale, when you says "genuinely ugly" I guess the point is that it's subjective... what you or I think is ugly or beautiful someone else might thinnk the opposite, and to have the choice to do something, to change it, to enhance and to take away, can only be a good thing, even if some idiots go overboard and end up looking like plastic dolls, it's their choice to do so... however the one thing I object to is men making money out of it ! I mean, to snip a bit of skin off your labia is a teeny job and can't be more than the cost of the anaethestic and then the small cut, so how the hell can they charge more than about £250 for it. Preying on women's insecurities has been a pastime or career for men for years...wouldn't you say?

wow, long comment, sorry ...

Midnight said...

I think your recycling idea could catch on. They could do his and her's deals, a kind of part exchange for couples.

I can't imagine there would be much demand for the reverse though. For example if Linford Christie's missus wanted her's beefed up by his lunchbox.

I think there is something to be said for imperfection personally.

~V~ said...

I'm tempted to say something about it pointing to a fear of sexuality.

Real sex is about bodies, skin on skin, about the way sex feels, the joy of exploration, of touching of licking and fingers...oops, sorry I'm getting carried away here!!

Paying to have bits cut off is so sad...

Why does someone want that?

Because sex is also about fantasy: a lot of what sex is, is dream/fantasy/associations that have been so queerly linked. An appearence of porn-perfection conducts dreams of sexual satisfaction.

Perhaps it works for some people..but I'm still annoyed that my partner (male) was circumcised!

Lucien Modo said...

"...then take the offcuts from the women and insert them into the men. Do you think I should patent this idea?"

I have a contract with the U.S. surgeon general for the whole consignment... ever had pub pork scratchings?

Shelley said...

Well that's chopped liver off the menu for a while.

electro-kevin said...

They should have the Labiaplasty Department next to the Burns Department in the hospital.

That way there would always be a ready supply of ears for burns victims.

Melissaria said...

Weird. I had a row with The Husband just last night about this very subject. It was because of this article (Designer Vaginas, Anyone?), which I thought was brilliantly argued - brilliantly rhyned title too, but that's another story...:

How's this for a compromise; if women must have it done, then that's their choice, but there's no anaesthetic? Then perhaps they'll start to see it for the barbaric porn-fuelled idiocy that it is.

I'm with angela-la-la on how it makes me feel...stupid bints indeed.

Shelley said...


A good idea initially, but wouldn't there be something fishy about ears made out of labias?

EmmaK said...

sailor...Actually I'm not so sure most men are fans of the fake breasts either. In any case you are a pearl among men sailor for your views!

angela....true FGM is forced on many girls and done under filthy conditions ...that is why I cannot understand why any sane woman would want (abeit a much modified and sanitized version of) the same procedure.

kara....Greta Van Sustren has that wierd wide eyed look now doesn't she, and a rather stretched out face. Maybe she should sue her plastic surgeon?

electro-kevin....regarding flaps like elephant ears, that's put me off my lunch.

Regarding making the cut off flaps into ears is a very enlightened suggestion.

gorilla bananas....surely if he feels revulsion he's got 'issues', although that said I've never gone down on a woman and don't know how ugly vaginas can get...but I think any revulsion is more likely to be in the woman's mind that she doesn't live up to some aesthetic ideal.

duke orsino...Well done!! What do you do with your knob now, have it set up in the garden and pull flags up and down it?

lightning bug's butt...I think he does do gift certificates. This is probably the creepiest surgical procedure I have heard of, although those people who have butt implants are pretty odd too.

EmmaK said... how the hell can they charge more than about £250 for it. Preying on women's insecurities has been a pastime or career for men for years...wouldn't you say?
It is amazing that anyone would pay two grand for this and imagine how many they can do per day: dozens!! All goes to buy them a nice yacht. The sad thing is there are lots of female plastic surgeons doing this procedure too.

EmmaK said...

midnight....I'm not going to even ask how you know the size/content of Linford's lunchbox ;)

v....yes, when will people learn that porn is fantasy and perfect people whereas real people are well, imperfect.

lucien are hilarious!!

melissaria....that article you site has it spot on: okay there are no direct comparisons with FGM as in it is forced on women whereas women with more money than sense do it in the Western World.

BUT it is all part of a broad spectrum of molding the female body to fit a specific ideal.

SO IRONIC as you say that so-called LIBERATED women put themselves under the knife like this ie they repress themselves. Just another instance that feminism has gone seriously off the rails.

shelley...please explain in 200 words or less why people er, men sometimes say vagina's smell of fish because they don't unless she has thrush etc.

Shelley said...


As you may already have worked out, I do not know much about vaginas.

I'm off to google squirting females, whatever that means.

Ice said...

Blast from the past!

I miss you, it's been ferfukin'eva!

I'll be re-opening in the next month... just took a wee break...

Hope Emma's doing well!!!

; )

Ice, xo

molesworth 1 said...

Hey, hey, emmak, just found your blog via GuidoFawkes,and you are a saucy minx. Will keep an eye on you & point the gf your way, just to see what she thinks. Keep up the good work, and wait for all my problems at the e-spot... hem-hem.

Jahooni said...

i shave. that is enough. i have had no complaints and i am not complaining... mine is just fine the way it is!

EmmaK said... can you not know much about vaginas? Do you not watch porn or are you gay or what? I'm really interested.

By the way squirting is an interesting sport. It depends on what the woman has drunk earlier, then she spurts coke or whiskey or whatever. It's a fun experience, you should try it sometime ;)

ice....hi baby, can't wait to see your relaunched blog. Hugs xxx

molesworth1....hi darling! I would love to have your problems sent to me at the e-spot. I am very broadminded.

jahooni....I feel the same, I have been blessed with an extremely cute vagina!

Shelley said...


I'm so far back in the closet I could be the Queen of Narnia.

Coke and whisky are not a good mix. A single malt with spring water sounds perfect.

BTW, watching porn is a bit like sucking a sweet with the wrapper on , so I've not bothered that much.

Toodle pip!

Tickersoid said...

I have read a blog post, by someone I like, moaning about other womens droopy labia minor. Sometimes women create their own issues.

I don't know of any man who would be put off by big beef curtains, or uneven piss flaps.

electro-kevin said...

On the subject of Linford Christie ...

Wasn't he the first to fly across the Atlantic ?

Oh wait - I think I got confused. It was Alcock and Brown.

An easy mistake to make don't you agree ?

Tuscan Tony said...

I preduict the end of the camel toe as we know it. Good riddance too. Especially if one has visited Taunton recently, and espied the be-tracksuitted hippos that infest the streets there.

Misssy M said...

Yet another thing for ladies to feel inadequate about.

Although the "labia shortening" or "flapectomy" has long been the source of much mirth round our house. Meeester was taking the piss out of this haughty woman who stood up at a church service we were at once, to talk about her recovery from an operation.

Telling someone about this dreadful woman later on, Meeester was asked "Why the big deal, what had she had done?" and Meeester replied quick as a flash, " I dunno, labia shortening or something" I nearly gave myself a stroke laughing.

Now I have to tell him that this procedure actually exists!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

it's a scary world. But why go to all that bother? For £15 mermins can get a man drunk enough to think her dorsal fin is the perfect size, shape and aquadynamic proportion. And Mermins has heard, and believes it to be true, that men just like sex regardless of the size of the labia. Most are pathetically grateful for anything.

Shelley said...


Squirting a specialty by any chance?

Effortlessly Average said...

ooooo, wait a second; I don't think female circumcision in Africa being wrong is a "liberal" ideal. Slicing any part of any child off with a razor is wrong no matter who you are.

Now, soapbox gone, let me just wonder aloud why all this effort is being places on vaginal and/or labial procedures? When is medical science going to finally perfect a safe method for penis reduction, huh? That's what I want to know. You wanna talk about pinching in clothes?! You wanna talk about having a "package" on display in gym clothes? heh.

Memphis Steve said...

I have no opinion on this surgery just yet. It hasn't really sunk in. I had just come over to tell you that I've tagged you for a meme. And now you've traumatized me with this labia hacking or whatever.

Steve said...

Bizarre and gross. How neat are genitals supposed to be? Are we all going to end up like Barbie and Action Man in the generations to come? Can't get much neater than a smooth stretch of featureless plastic. I like my genitals and my wife's genitals exactly as they are... I already think think they're pretty neat. :-)

Daisy said...

omg that just hurt to watch and i found myself grabbing my crotch! i wonder if this is how men feel when they talk about penis implants...omg who would actually do that...omg...

Lucien Modo said...

"I like my genitals and my wife's genitals exactly as they are..."

That's one to cut out and keep.

having my cake said...

Im with Ange and the 'It's ok to do it so long as you have it done without anaesthetic' brigade. I truly think that would sort out those who really do believe they need it from those with too much money and time on their hands.

Geosomin said...

For some reason all I couuld think of while reading this is my friend's halloween costume from a year ago...he went as a 6 foot tall vagina. It was a fantastic sculpted rubber thing...glorious. Wish I had a photo.

I can't imagine letting anyone down there for a snip...Even if I ever had a complaint from the husband...ow.

TK Kerouac said...

Good God!!!

I'm redoing my link list and I'm keeping you listed

my blogs are (private)

if you care to link

rilly super said...

emma, do they do enlargements as well as reductions? Anything that helps my husband actually find that particular area must be a good thing.

Steph said...

That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard.

It's self mutilation.

Jules said...

Having just recently had vaginal surgery due to four children, a rectocele (prolapse of the rectum into the vaginal wall) and a short perinieum - it astounds me that people would go through this surgery for aesthetic purposes.

Flaps hold a purpose, to protect and keep foreign objects (except those invited) into the vagina and urethra. I'd say it would be a hell of a lot more uncomfortable having to labia to rub in your panties, it would be your bare bits rubbing instead!!

As for the recovery, I just don't understand why you would go through volutarily.

I have joked on my blog that I was getting a new vadge but it was purely because of the prolapse, definitely not for looks.

Wierd fuckers.

spew-it-all said...

It's very interesting that you compare it to female circumcision in Africa. Liberals, as you label them, might think that this labiaplasty acceptable as it is supported by 'medical procedure'. As for female circumcision, the West and wealthiest countries tend to be patronizing towards the underdeveloped countries and female circumsision is therefore seen as backwardness in medical field.

Beauty these days is constructed by medical science.

EmmaK said...

tickersoid...I knew you wouldn't care if the beef curtains were an odd shape.

Tuscan Tony ...
I predict the end of the camel toe as we know it.
A laudable sentiment but this will only happen if obese people stop wearing lycra leggings. Want to start a campaign?

Misssy M...
the procedure exists. Also you can have the fat sucked out of your pudenda to have a 'better silhouette' in a dress. Just mention it incase you're interested ;)

Mermaid of Moorgate... For £15 mermins can get a man drunk enough to think her dorsal fin is the perfect size
I can't follow this mermaid. I thought you were a virgin, thus no man has ever judged the beauty/ugliness of your flaps? Please explain.

BTW, yes, men are grateful for any kinds of flaps in my experience.

mermaid Squirting a specialty by any chance?

Why are you so obsessed with squirting when you're gay and in the closet. There are too many mysteries about you.

Effortlessly Average ...
regarding your huge package. Just strap it into one of those baby slings while you are working out at the gym.

Memphis Steve...
Ooh I hate memes but may do one for you sweetie.

Steve ....
I like my genitals and my wife's genitals exactly as they are... I already think think they're pretty neat. :-)

Well, good for you!!

Daisy ...
Now you mention it labia cutting is probably even more painful than breast implants because the vagina is the most sensitive part.

Lucien Modo
"I like my genitals and my wife's genitals exactly as they are..."

What about you, do you like your gentials?

having my cake ...
agreed, labia surgery must be just about the most pointless surgery there is.

For some reason all I couuld think of while reading this is my friend's halloween costume from a year ago...he went as a 6 foot tall vagina.

Thanks so much for giving me an idea for next year's halloween costume!

rilly super...
emma, do they do enlargements as well as reductions? Anything that helps my husband actually find that particular area must be a good thing.
I don't think they do enlagements but I believe you can get a lightbulb imbedded in your clit which glows in the dark thus enabling fumblers to find the darn thing.

Steph....It is pretty retarded to have your labia cut off, but I guess it's a surgery for rich bitches who've had everything else stapled and pumped up and still want more.

That's what I thought, if you didn't have your labia there you'd be very sore.

I hope you soon recover from the vaginal surgery and are able to reach new heights of pleasure.

spew-it-all ...
As for female circumcision, the West and wealthiest countries tend to be patronizing towards the underdeveloped countries and female circumsision is therefore seen as backwardness in medical field.
as you say I don't like being against female circumcision because it is that colonial attitude, what 'primitive' people do is wrong. That said I still think its barbaric and wrong, it's a difficult position to be in (for me). I don't condemn it for cultural reasons rather because it must be excruciating for the women.

Shelley said...


It's not often you get to speak to a mermaid, and who better to ask about squirting than a mermadame.

I'm just trying to fill a gap in my education.

BTW, the tipple of choice for ladettes in these parts is something called a Bacardi Breezer, and the thought of getting a bucketful of this crap in my mush during a carpet munching session is too hideous to contemplate.

EmmaK said...

shelley....I still don't understand why you are talking about carpet munching and being squirted with bacardi breezers. Let's get this straight, you are gay and in the closet but regularly munch carpet?

Can you clarify?

Also, the mermaid is a pretty delicate flower and I believe, does not answer such direct sexual questions.

Shelley said...


I've not actually left the closet, so by any definition I'm not gay. In fact I think I'll stick with wanking (jerking off to Americans) and not bother with either sex. It's cheap, convenient, environmentally friendly and always to hand. It makes me feel good that I would be doing my bit to save the planet. Think of the money I'd save on dinners and flowers not to mention the time I'd save not having to make mind numbing small talk just to get a shag.Think of the CO2 generated just to keep that little lot going. Yes, I think I'll stick to the green agenda.

Ron Knee said...

Good ghod, why trim off the tasty bits? I like something to hold on to as it makes it easier to part the pussy!

Lotta said...

I think I'm going to need Ron Knee's address.

How freaking awful that now we have to be insecure about how our pussy's look too! It's not bad enough that I have to worry about how my hair, ass and face appears to the world. Now I need to make sure my twat is tidy.


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